Sustaining intimacy in your marriage

Many people think that marriage is all about exchanging wedding vows, child-bearing and then being responsible for the children. Well, probably to an extent, but all these can be overbearing and cause an emotional rift between the couple. Thus affecting the intimacy they shared during their courtship and into their first three years of marriage.

Little wonder Rachael who has been married for five years can’t understand what’s happening between her and Ian. When they both started dating, they were the envy of friends and family. They went everywhere together from functions to travelling. Their love towards each other was evident and you could almost wish you could trade places with them. The wedding bells rang, their love life was awesome and the kids started coming in. Suddenly, they didn’t seem to have time for each other again. Their sex life was beginning to be non-existent. They were turning out to be complete strangers but neither of them was involved in extramarital affairs.

How do they get that intimacy back?

- The women should endeavour to remain beautiful. Most women tend to remain out of fashion because of their marital status or child-bearing, either as a career woman or a stay-at-home mum. Let your husband see that ravishing beauty he was eager to have as his wife then. Take care of your body, fix your hair and nails, try out new make-up and perfumes, dress smartly and wear sexy lingeries to bed.

If you think you are not beautiful, you are wrong because your husband was once attracted to you. If you are a nursing mother, you can shed off those flabby arms and get back your sexy figure. Eat fruits, drink lots of water, rest more, exercise and treat your body with the mind-set of setting your husband’s body on fire.

- Maintain eye contact. Experts say that if you want to know the level of intimacy in your relationship, consider the amount of time you spend with a locked gaze. It is very essential in communication. Next time you are talking to your spouse, don’t just talk with your mouth. Talk with your eyes. Always look straight into his or her eyes when you talk. Many people can’t even look at their spouse’s eyes while making love. Is that modesty or what? Are you shy? Is he or she not your spouse? Are your bodies not meant for each other? Averting your eyes during love-making won’t help you. Looking into your spouse’s eyes will help you know how much he or she desires you and how satisfied he or she is.

- Don’t forget little things cause they matter. For example, you can wake up before your wife and write a short note to tell her how much you enjoyed her meal last night and leave it in a place where she will see it( in her wallet or shoes). You can send a SMS to tell your husband how nuch you are looking forward to spending the night with him. He or she will definitely do more than you expect with little things like that.

- Have a secret code. My fiancé told me that when a lady or man scratches your palm during a handshake, it means that he or she wants to have sex with you. I just kept that in my treasure box, ready for use once I get married. You can have such codes only the both of you can understand. It will bring about connection and excitement in your relationship.

- Have a vacation or a getaway weekend. This can be done monthly or quarterly. But as many times as the both of you can afford. Send the children to their grandparents place or to a relative’s place. Have the weekend to yourselves. You might not have to travel. Have all the fun you want within the confines of your home as long as you are both creative.

These are just some of the things that can be done to bring back or sustain the intimacy in your marriage. It involves work for your marriage to survive. GOODLUCK!

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